Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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