Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
