i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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