I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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