Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize