He uses pillows to masturbate.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
