we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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