I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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