i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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