Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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