I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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