Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
