Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this hospital has no fireball
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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