Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
