I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
