yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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