u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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