I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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