Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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