What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
