So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
