mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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