I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think people are normalizing furries
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
