Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
