i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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