I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
