is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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