if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
