porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
