Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Did I show you my penis last night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
