The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
