it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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