Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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