make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
