So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
