the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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