I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
