I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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