from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
