The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize