Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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