Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
