my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize