i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
