how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
