my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she pinky promised me she was 18
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
