So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
