i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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