Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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