At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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