Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
