Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
