I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize