i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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