can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
