Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
