talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
