is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My cat gives me a boner
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
