I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize