Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
