as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize