So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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