You really coming over, don't trick.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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