you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
