Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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