"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
