hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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