Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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