this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
