I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
