I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize