I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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