I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sarcasm needs its own font
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
