end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
