these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
