I'm drive I can fine osifer
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
