if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
