I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
