She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
