I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
