I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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