Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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