Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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