im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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