I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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