At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
