Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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