Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
