Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
