I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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