Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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