just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
