Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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