I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
