I hate your face
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
