Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
