woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
