The maid of honor just puked.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize