I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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