Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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