i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Mom said you looked used
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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