bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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