Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she looked like the before picture.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
