There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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