yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
