haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
