Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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