just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
