I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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