Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
