FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
