once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
