Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
