Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize