Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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